Unscripted

I feel like I've been living in a thick cloud; a cloud of stress, schedules, and failed plans. I've been trudging through this cloud sending emails, mailing resumes, and doing homework that I had procrastinating like crazy on. A couple of weekends ago, Megan and I traveled to Castleton to catch up with Jake and Kate and see their Spring show Chicago. We had a great time, and the weather was so beautiful it was almost like nothing could go wrong.

Also, I was wearing my piano key suspenders for the win.

That was when everything started to go crazy. It started when the job I had been lining up this summer, the one I held last summer that allowed me to stay in Burlington for free, completely fell through because the 18 days I'm going to be in Europe this summer on Eurotheatre are too much to take off. Suddenly, I felt lost, and entirely without a plan. I can't live without a plan. What was I going to do without a job for the summer? Where was I going to get money to apply to grad school? So many questions were racing through my head about what this summer is going to look like, and what next year is going to be like especially since Megan got accepted to the University of New Hampshire for graduate school. It's entirely too much change for me to handle. I'M NOT THAT GOOD AT IMPROVISATION! WHAT DO I DO WITHOUT A SCRIPT???

Then Megan took me out on a drive and a walk around downtown Montpelier, just to talk, and to bitch about how crazy life is and what I'm doing with it. That was when I realized...I have so many more skills than I give myself credit for, and there is no reason why I can't use them. Why can't I get a job doing what I love? It's so not impossible, despite what people may say about theatre majors. Theatre, movement, creating, performing, writing, teaching...that's what I'm good at, it's probably all I'm good at, so why am I not using it to my advantage? Why don't I write my own script? So that night, I emailed a bunch of different theatres, and I received a few replies back, and I sent out my resumes, and you know what? I'm going for an interview next week.

I'm not saying that everything's all good now, because it's really not. Rehearsals for the senior directed one-act I'm starring in are going so well, but I'm still super nervous. This will be the biggest role I've had in a show at UVM, and it's thrilling but at the same time terrifying. I'm also worried about setting everything up for next year going into my senior year of college (yikes!) like being a new Program Director in the Living/Learning residences, some opportunities in the works, and my honors thesis project I'm going to be working on that I seem to be churning out ideas about everyday...and what's going to happen after next year when I have to look for another new school. I'm still so stressed about the logistics of this summer, but there are a few things I do know: I'm going to Europe in June (YES!!!), I'm going to be taking a summer English class to take some of the load off myself next year, and I'm going to have some kind of job somewhere that some sort of amount of money (I don't care how much...it's something) doing what I LOVE and what I'm good at. Because I'm better than being stuck in a rut, and I'm better than the same old scripts that have been written for me before.

I'm adding in a PLOT TWIST.

Peace out!

The 20s

In less than an hour it will be my twentieth birthday. The not-very-funny-more-like-interesting thing is I honestly don't feel any different. Everything feels the same. Granted, my life has changed so drastically in the past three years that it's kind of hard to define what is "normal" because everything is changing. In the blink of an eye anything will be different. I find college is a part of life that will always keep one on their toes.

That being said, this is not what I expected my twenties to look like. When I was younger I imagined my life at this time to be like an episode of Friends - a not-so-glamorous-yet-fashionable-contemporary-fast-paced life in a city like New York where I drink coffee all the time and have adventures all over the city with a cute little apartment.

Literally what I imagined life to be like in the future.

However, life doesn't always work out the way you picture it. Maybe one day my life will be like an episode of Friends, but right now it's pretty damn awesome. As I begin this totally awesome and new period of my life I want to completely let things go. Will I have a job next summer? Not entirely sure...Am I going to Europe next summer? That's definitely for sure seeing how I've bought my non-refundable plane tickets and our apartments in Italy are amazing. Will Megan get into grad school? and if she does will it be at UVM? We don't know. That being said, will we be able to get an apartment and live together? I hope so...There are so many questions coming up that appear will never be answered but hopefully---and I truly believe it will, seeing how I'm always the optimist---everything will come together. It always does. So what will my twenties be like? I think it will be one giant play-by-ear. It has to be. As much as I feel the need to plan every minute of my life, I know I can't.

Right now, I'm going to enjoy my birthday as much as I can, things are extremely busy with the play and homework and responsibilities, and I will wait to see what happens next.

Check out the beautiful cast photo for The Beaux' Stratagem which opens this week Thursday 16th at UVM's Royal Tyler Theatre. Get your tickets now!

Peace out!

Sense Memory

I love, love, LOVE the fall weather hitting Vermont right now. It's like a cold and clear breath of life that takes your heart in its grip and transports you to worlds of memories long forgotten yet still reminisced about. Upon each stinging breeze rides an image of crinkling leaves, the smell of apple cores and pumpkin spice, or the scratchy feel of a wool scarf on the skin. The chill which takes root in the feet and travels up each individual vertebrae to each follicle of hair holds a physical bond to day trips through an enchanted forest and afternoons spent on train tracks. The taste of dust and the feel of grit between teeth is a flash back to dirt roads and the hidden groves to which they lead.

Each memory dances with the senses in a waltz that began at birth. Each physical presence individually linked to an emotion draws me back yet pulls me forward at the same time. While I muse over the events and the feelings of the past, I am still pushed forward by a thirst for more. I long for more emotion, more feeling, more of the "breath life," for the essence that makes me utterly human. We long for the memories in life because that is what draws us forward, the longing and desire for future memories. We beg for new smells, feelings, and images that will give us retrospect to the events of our past and bring our lives in a circle.

Stepping from the front door, the fall's evening zephyr energizes my lungs and my body, propelling me forward into the sunset's lighted shadow. The leaves hanging stiffly from the trees' branches sway and crumple as they draw near to each other in anticipation of what is to come. Drawing my scarf closer to my throat, I walk along the broad sidewalk with heavy footfalls. The clouds above seem to sway lightly, taking in the moment below. I clutch my books to my chest and keep walking, observed and observing...

Contact Improvisation

Here are a few pictures from the final session of my Movement and Improvisation class this semester:

We went down to Oak Ledge park in Burlington down by the waterfront to do some dancing and site improving. It was raining so hard and the lake was so flooded that the beach no longer existed and the water was sweeping up onto the walkway, dragging full trees out to open water and eroding away the trail. It was a lot of fun though and a great example of how beautiful the performing arts are in any medium when they persevere. That was basically how the end of the semester happened for me: perseverance. By the end of April, I was feeling like there was legitimately no more brain/will power that I could give. Somehow it all happened though including my Theatre History final which was a beast. Greece through the Renaissance. Bam. Overall, it wasn't that bad and the transition into this new job is going smoothly. Today was our last day of training and I'm definitely ready to begin the actual job and the actual summer. If only this rain/thunder/massive amounts of lightning would quick for a moment. But let's take a minute to see what my summer has been like so far.

Summer 2011 So Far: 
1. I work in an office now. Which is a much better improvement from McDonald's, however it's a little weird for me. I'm just not totally emerged into it yet. Soon though. The cool thing is I get to work in all these different UVM buildings where I find things like this:

A composting toilet! It's basically a hole in the floor and when you push a button foam eats your poop.

2. Rain.

3. GAGA. Her new album is probably going to be my soundtrack during the whole summer. So much fun, I love it. It's so artful and full of character and life. It's the best to rock out to.

4. My new room in UHeights! One of the amazing perks of this job is that I get a free room in the swanky UHeights dorm on campus. I feel like I have my own apartment. It's fantastic, but I feel like I'm getting way too spoiled before next school year...

5. Beginning to have summer fun with Megan. The other night we went to the waterfront and started walking along the Burlington bike path as the sun set. It was beautiful, even though the water is still incredibly flooded and high and was eroding away the earth under the trees along the shore. It was part of the magic though.

6. Thinking about myself, and how I feel, and what I want to do with myself in the present and in the future. Ever since Voice and Speech I've thought about how I take care of myself as an artist and I've started really doing warm ups in the mornings and taking care of my voice and the rest of myself. I think I'm going to start doing Sun Salutations (yeah, yoga!?) and stretches out on the lawn this summer. Those are the things that make me feel good and happy, so why not do them? I've also been thinking about a performance piece I've been thinking about writing, and next semester, and grad school, and Hairspray, and why the hell am I not doing any performing the summer, etc.

This was part of a text I just sent to Megan:

"i hope i can really kick ass thru the rest of college and make something of myself in grad school u know? i still feel like im missing myself. im missing myself in parts that i only find when im truly in the moment performing (when im not being judged by teachers or peers) or when we're together doing something crazy :)"


Peace out!

Love Is...

Hello! How's it going? It's been about two weeks since I've last posted because of end of the semester stuff going on and the beginnings of summer plans. Things have been going quite smoothly. Exams went by pretty fast, mostly because I only really had two, and my final grades came in and I'm extremely happy with how it all turned out. I just got back to Burlington on Saturday with Megan and now I'm chilling in my Converse tower practically all alone (it's very creepy, being in here with the ghost all by myself) watching TV shows all day. I'm preparing for the beginning of my summer job which starts training tomorrow. Looking out the window, it almost looks like all of UVM campus, all of Burlington for that matter, has been swallowed up by a giant cloud. The fog is so incredibly dense that it seems as though I could jump out the window and roll around in it. The mist combines with the rain to drop heavy moisture all over the sidewalks and cars in the parking lot.

I'm in one of those transitional moments completely symbolized by my limbo in Converse at the moment. Once this job starts and the summer days become beautiful once again, things will be a little more stable. There is something that has become quite stable though within the past month. I haven't brought it up on here yet because I just wanted some time, but also I was just a little nervous. I want to do a post wrapping some things up from the semester, but first I have to tell you, blogosphere (jeez, it's like I'm talking to the TARDIS) something really important:

Love is something that does not necessarily need to be searched for because it is usually right in front of you. Love is something that you may not think you need, but then when you totally have it you wonder how you ever lived without it. Love is someone who has always and will always be there for you in whatever state of trouble, happiness, or sadness you may have. Love is someone who makes you laugh constantly and who laughs at all of your ridiculous antics. Love is someone who is just as kooky as you are and who understands your inner (and constant) awkwardness. Love is someone who wants the same things out of life you do and who understands that you will do anything to make your (and their) dreams come true because dreams are completely possible. Love is someone who knows you completely and yet is still fascinated by something new about you everyday, while you are just as delved into their personality. Love kind of looks like this:

About a month and a half ago, Megan and I started dating. For reals. And it's been amazing ever since.

It's a whole new adventure and I'm so glad and excited that it happened. Now that I think back on it, I think its been a long time coming.

Peace out!

Pizza and Cookies

This past week has been full of business, auditions, and happy moments. It began on Monday with Stop Kiss auditions at UVM. Those didn't quite work out according to plan, which was okay because I had a back up plan (kind of like Jennifer Lopez, except I don't want to be pregnant):

On Thursday night Alice, Matt, and I (we met some more RTT peeps there) traversed to Lyric Theatre's Hairspray auditions for next fall's production. Gina drove us in her car as our stage mom. She gave us encouragement and a little tough love. We were ready. Except it was one of the most nerve-racking experiences of my life. Just handing in the initial paperwork was terrifying. Don't even get me started on trying to pin my number on and then going over to take a picture. My legs were a little wobbily... But as I was getting my picture taken, guess who's standing off to the side saying my name? Annalise! From Shout It Out! She was there auditioning with Ty and Zach, a couple more folks from our cast. It had been such a long time since we'd seen each other, and it was great catching up. It still did not alleviate the shaking or my stomach turning around in circles. I took a page from Voice and Speech though and kept breathing. We did an improv workshop, then the crazy wild dance, and then we went in for the traditional audition. The whole introduce yourself, sing, and act. I think it helped that quoted Gaga as we went into the gym and put my paws up. Loosened me up.

Anyway, Friday passed and I hadn't heard anything about a call back while many of my friends had received one for that night. Tensions were high in my mind. Then came Saturday morning around 11:30 a.m. Click here and look at the "Council Members" list, second from the bottom. I'll give you a minute.

Seen it? Are you good?

I GOT A PART!!!!!!!!! I'M GOING TO BE IQ!!!!! I GET TO SING AND DANCE MY ASS OFF ON THE FLYNN STAGE THIS FALL!!!!!!!!

This is how excited I am.

I could not be more excited! This is such an amazing experience that I actually get to share with a lot of my friends from RTT who are also in the show. I got the call from an Unavailable number, and I knew immediately that this was it. I was shaking and crying while the stage manager was trying to give me the details about our first read through, and once the call was over I called my parents and my grandparents and jumped up an down and ran around The Q while Megan laughed and jumped around with me while families and students were trying to move out and gave me weird looks but I didn't care because I was so damn excited!!!

Anyway, as you can see I was excited. Just a little bit. When I say jumping around, I mean a lot of it. And rolling around. Really just a lot of moving and me screaming. Anywho, that same night was the End-of-the-Year Cabaret for UPlayers, and it went super well. We had a huge audience and our acts were totally awesome.

On Sunday I just want to mention that Megan and I went for a two hour hike in Centennial Woods because we can. We were pretty proud of ourselves, especially because we totally got lost (like, we ended up near the interstate going to Winooski, not quite sure how) but we found our way back. It was a perfect day.

It was a really perfect weekend actually, and now as we move into the last couple days of classes and exams, I will look back on this weekend with joy. Speaking of joy, check this out:

Did you know they made this? Pizza...and...cookies in the same box...  This had become a staple in The Q kitchen mostly because it's pure college food but also because it's so damn delicious... I mean, PIZZA AND COOKIES! You can't go wrong.

Peace out!

Fever Dream

About a month ago I learned about auditions for a new reality TV show on the Oxygen network called The Glee Project.

I found it online and freaked. Basically, the show is a competition like American Idol for young singers/dancers/actors 18 and up competing for a multi-episode guest spot in season 3 of Glee. Yeah, totally sweet and an awesome opportunity. Here's the thing: the casting calls are in Chicago and Dallas. And plane tickets are totally crap. When I first found out about it, I immediately called my parents (after just talking with them on the phone not five minutes before) and said:

"So, what's the chance of us going to Dallas, Texas over break?"

Needless to say, that tack didn't quite take. Then we had a talk. The filming of the show is right in the middle of this next semester. So even if I did get in, it would mean taking a semester off. I tried to explain how it would be SO worth it, and how auditioning never hurts, but it wasn't working.

The Chicago calls were in December and now the Dallas ones are this weekend. I'm sad because "Don't Rain on my Parade" and "And I Am Telling You" are both on the song list and I know I can belt out some crazy covers of both, but I do see the effect it would have on school and my financial woes. I guess this is just on fever dream that's going to have to stay with me.

Peace out!