Unscripted

I feel like I've been living in a thick cloud; a cloud of stress, schedules, and failed plans. I've been trudging through this cloud sending emails, mailing resumes, and doing homework that I had procrastinating like crazy on. A couple of weekends ago, Megan and I traveled to Castleton to catch up with Jake and Kate and see their Spring show Chicago. We had a great time, and the weather was so beautiful it was almost like nothing could go wrong.

Also, I was wearing my piano key suspenders for the win.

That was when everything started to go crazy. It started when the job I had been lining up this summer, the one I held last summer that allowed me to stay in Burlington for free, completely fell through because the 18 days I'm going to be in Europe this summer on Eurotheatre are too much to take off. Suddenly, I felt lost, and entirely without a plan. I can't live without a plan. What was I going to do without a job for the summer? Where was I going to get money to apply to grad school? So many questions were racing through my head about what this summer is going to look like, and what next year is going to be like especially since Megan got accepted to the University of New Hampshire for graduate school. It's entirely too much change for me to handle. I'M NOT THAT GOOD AT IMPROVISATION! WHAT DO I DO WITHOUT A SCRIPT???

Then Megan took me out on a drive and a walk around downtown Montpelier, just to talk, and to bitch about how crazy life is and what I'm doing with it. That was when I realized...I have so many more skills than I give myself credit for, and there is no reason why I can't use them. Why can't I get a job doing what I love? It's so not impossible, despite what people may say about theatre majors. Theatre, movement, creating, performing, writing, teaching...that's what I'm good at, it's probably all I'm good at, so why am I not using it to my advantage? Why don't I write my own script? So that night, I emailed a bunch of different theatres, and I received a few replies back, and I sent out my resumes, and you know what? I'm going for an interview next week.

I'm not saying that everything's all good now, because it's really not. Rehearsals for the senior directed one-act I'm starring in are going so well, but I'm still super nervous. This will be the biggest role I've had in a show at UVM, and it's thrilling but at the same time terrifying. I'm also worried about setting everything up for next year going into my senior year of college (yikes!) like being a new Program Director in the Living/Learning residences, some opportunities in the works, and my honors thesis project I'm going to be working on that I seem to be churning out ideas about everyday...and what's going to happen after next year when I have to look for another new school. I'm still so stressed about the logistics of this summer, but there are a few things I do know: I'm going to Europe in June (YES!!!), I'm going to be taking a summer English class to take some of the load off myself next year, and I'm going to have some kind of job somewhere that some sort of amount of money (I don't care how much...it's something) doing what I LOVE and what I'm good at. Because I'm better than being stuck in a rut, and I'm better than the same old scripts that have been written for me before.

I'm adding in a PLOT TWIST.

Peace out!

Just A Couple of Poems

I wrote these for my Creative Writing class. I think I'm going to start writing more because these were a lot of fun as was this class. Enjoy!

They told me she was gone.

They told me you were gone,

But I didn’t believe them.

I knew that tomorrow I had to wake up next to you.

They showed me your coffin,

Asked me to say something in your honor,

But I couldn’t do it, not for them.

I tried to remember why they were burying an empty coffin,

And I looked for you, honestly I did.

They told me you were gone.

I told them they were lying.

We would meet for dinner that night

At your favorite restaurant.

I would walk you through the park,

And the streetlights would illuminate the trees

So that they seemed to embrace us

Just as I stopped to caress your cheek.

I knew I would have to lean in close

And you would breathe softly

While your heart picked up speed.

Our lips had to touch,

And I had to hang onto you

Because I knew that I could never lose you.

They stand like mountainous pillars rising into the sky,

Taller than anything I’ve seen before.

My mind wanders along their sides,

Mixing with the smog and clouds above.

The lights are mesmerizing,

Illuminating the night as though the Sun’s light had been born on Earth.

Here I find no need to be scared,

Here I feel the pull of home.

Strolling the streets is like taking a tour of the world.

Different people of all different lives share this air, and share this city.

Everything is available, every culture represented, everyone has a place,

And every dream is achievable.

My dreams are born here,

In the whiskey-scented nightclubs and the haze filled dance floors,

From the wombs of Sondheim’s characters and the heart of Hammerstein’s music.

My soul was manifested from the backdoor alleyways and the rooftops at night,

My heart forged on the stage floor and exiting out the backstage door.

Peace out!

Summer Days Driftin' Away

Summer in Burlington is like one of those cheesy street scenes in a romantic comedy where the protagonist skips down the street and everyone in town is smiling and waving and going about their business. Of course, sometimes it can be a little sketchy, but so can all places. It's kind of like the beginning of Beauty and the Beast when Belle strolls down the street and everyone's just yelling "BONJOUR!" out of their windows. And there I am, skipping and dancing down the street listening to some random showtune on my iPod. (Literally, I probably am dancing. Look for me.) This summer seems to be going by so fast, I can't even believe we're almost at the end of June.

But there's also another place that's been on my mind. A place that's haunted my dreams and thoughts for the past week (probably longer). That place is New York. I can't stop thinking about it. Ever since the New York episode of Glee and between the Tony Awards and all the showtunes I listen to, I just can't stop thinking about that magical place where everything just seems right. Where I'm surrounded by people and theatres and lights. I need to find a stage to sing on. I need to find a place to perform again.

The past few nights I've had continuing dreams about New York. At first I dreamed that my parents, Megan, and I all went to New York for Christmas (something that I really want to happen in real life, mind you) and we saw the Rockettes and went skating in Central Park and saw so many shows on Broadway that my mind was spinning with the euphoria and adrenaline brought on by the theatre. The next night I dreamed that I was actually starring in a show (Book of Mormon to be exact, I think it was around the Tony Awards time.), and my whole family and Megan came to see the show. I belted so many notes and looked out at the audience, and they were all the first to stand for my ovation.

They were the most beautiful dreams I've ever experienced in my life. I need a stage.

Peace out!

Love Is...

Hello! How's it going? It's been about two weeks since I've last posted because of end of the semester stuff going on and the beginnings of summer plans. Things have been going quite smoothly. Exams went by pretty fast, mostly because I only really had two, and my final grades came in and I'm extremely happy with how it all turned out. I just got back to Burlington on Saturday with Megan and now I'm chilling in my Converse tower practically all alone (it's very creepy, being in here with the ghost all by myself) watching TV shows all day. I'm preparing for the beginning of my summer job which starts training tomorrow. Looking out the window, it almost looks like all of UVM campus, all of Burlington for that matter, has been swallowed up by a giant cloud. The fog is so incredibly dense that it seems as though I could jump out the window and roll around in it. The mist combines with the rain to drop heavy moisture all over the sidewalks and cars in the parking lot.

I'm in one of those transitional moments completely symbolized by my limbo in Converse at the moment. Once this job starts and the summer days become beautiful once again, things will be a little more stable. There is something that has become quite stable though within the past month. I haven't brought it up on here yet because I just wanted some time, but also I was just a little nervous. I want to do a post wrapping some things up from the semester, but first I have to tell you, blogosphere (jeez, it's like I'm talking to the TARDIS) something really important:

Love is something that does not necessarily need to be searched for because it is usually right in front of you. Love is something that you may not think you need, but then when you totally have it you wonder how you ever lived without it. Love is someone who has always and will always be there for you in whatever state of trouble, happiness, or sadness you may have. Love is someone who makes you laugh constantly and who laughs at all of your ridiculous antics. Love is someone who is just as kooky as you are and who understands your inner (and constant) awkwardness. Love is someone who wants the same things out of life you do and who understands that you will do anything to make your (and their) dreams come true because dreams are completely possible. Love is someone who knows you completely and yet is still fascinated by something new about you everyday, while you are just as delved into their personality. Love kind of looks like this:

About a month and a half ago, Megan and I started dating. For reals. And it's been amazing ever since.

It's a whole new adventure and I'm so glad and excited that it happened. Now that I think back on it, I think its been a long time coming.

Peace out!

Fever Dream

About a month ago I learned about auditions for a new reality TV show on the Oxygen network called The Glee Project.

I found it online and freaked. Basically, the show is a competition like American Idol for young singers/dancers/actors 18 and up competing for a multi-episode guest spot in season 3 of Glee. Yeah, totally sweet and an awesome opportunity. Here's the thing: the casting calls are in Chicago and Dallas. And plane tickets are totally crap. When I first found out about it, I immediately called my parents (after just talking with them on the phone not five minutes before) and said:

"So, what's the chance of us going to Dallas, Texas over break?"

Needless to say, that tack didn't quite take. Then we had a talk. The filming of the show is right in the middle of this next semester. So even if I did get in, it would mean taking a semester off. I tried to explain how it would be SO worth it, and how auditioning never hurts, but it wasn't working.

The Chicago calls were in December and now the Dallas ones are this weekend. I'm sad because "Don't Rain on my Parade" and "And I Am Telling You" are both on the song list and I know I can belt out some crazy covers of both, but I do see the effect it would have on school and my financial woes. I guess this is just on fever dream that's going to have to stay with me.

Peace out!