Unscripted

I feel like I've been living in a thick cloud; a cloud of stress, schedules, and failed plans. I've been trudging through this cloud sending emails, mailing resumes, and doing homework that I had procrastinating like crazy on. A couple of weekends ago, Megan and I traveled to Castleton to catch up with Jake and Kate and see their Spring show Chicago. We had a great time, and the weather was so beautiful it was almost like nothing could go wrong.

Also, I was wearing my piano key suspenders for the win.

That was when everything started to go crazy. It started when the job I had been lining up this summer, the one I held last summer that allowed me to stay in Burlington for free, completely fell through because the 18 days I'm going to be in Europe this summer on Eurotheatre are too much to take off. Suddenly, I felt lost, and entirely without a plan. I can't live without a plan. What was I going to do without a job for the summer? Where was I going to get money to apply to grad school? So many questions were racing through my head about what this summer is going to look like, and what next year is going to be like especially since Megan got accepted to the University of New Hampshire for graduate school. It's entirely too much change for me to handle. I'M NOT THAT GOOD AT IMPROVISATION! WHAT DO I DO WITHOUT A SCRIPT???

Then Megan took me out on a drive and a walk around downtown Montpelier, just to talk, and to bitch about how crazy life is and what I'm doing with it. That was when I realized...I have so many more skills than I give myself credit for, and there is no reason why I can't use them. Why can't I get a job doing what I love? It's so not impossible, despite what people may say about theatre majors. Theatre, movement, creating, performing, writing, teaching...that's what I'm good at, it's probably all I'm good at, so why am I not using it to my advantage? Why don't I write my own script? So that night, I emailed a bunch of different theatres, and I received a few replies back, and I sent out my resumes, and you know what? I'm going for an interview next week.

I'm not saying that everything's all good now, because it's really not. Rehearsals for the senior directed one-act I'm starring in are going so well, but I'm still super nervous. This will be the biggest role I've had in a show at UVM, and it's thrilling but at the same time terrifying. I'm also worried about setting everything up for next year going into my senior year of college (yikes!) like being a new Program Director in the Living/Learning residences, some opportunities in the works, and my honors thesis project I'm going to be working on that I seem to be churning out ideas about everyday...and what's going to happen after next year when I have to look for another new school. I'm still so stressed about the logistics of this summer, but there are a few things I do know: I'm going to Europe in June (YES!!!), I'm going to be taking a summer English class to take some of the load off myself next year, and I'm going to have some kind of job somewhere that some sort of amount of money (I don't care how much...it's something) doing what I LOVE and what I'm good at. Because I'm better than being stuck in a rut, and I'm better than the same old scripts that have been written for me before.

I'm adding in a PLOT TWIST.

Peace out!

The 20s

In less than an hour it will be my twentieth birthday. The not-very-funny-more-like-interesting thing is I honestly don't feel any different. Everything feels the same. Granted, my life has changed so drastically in the past three years that it's kind of hard to define what is "normal" because everything is changing. In the blink of an eye anything will be different. I find college is a part of life that will always keep one on their toes.

That being said, this is not what I expected my twenties to look like. When I was younger I imagined my life at this time to be like an episode of Friends - a not-so-glamorous-yet-fashionable-contemporary-fast-paced life in a city like New York where I drink coffee all the time and have adventures all over the city with a cute little apartment.

Literally what I imagined life to be like in the future.

However, life doesn't always work out the way you picture it. Maybe one day my life will be like an episode of Friends, but right now it's pretty damn awesome. As I begin this totally awesome and new period of my life I want to completely let things go. Will I have a job next summer? Not entirely sure...Am I going to Europe next summer? That's definitely for sure seeing how I've bought my non-refundable plane tickets and our apartments in Italy are amazing. Will Megan get into grad school? and if she does will it be at UVM? We don't know. That being said, will we be able to get an apartment and live together? I hope so...There are so many questions coming up that appear will never be answered but hopefully---and I truly believe it will, seeing how I'm always the optimist---everything will come together. It always does. So what will my twenties be like? I think it will be one giant play-by-ear. It has to be. As much as I feel the need to plan every minute of my life, I know I can't.

Right now, I'm going to enjoy my birthday as much as I can, things are extremely busy with the play and homework and responsibilities, and I will wait to see what happens next.

Check out the beautiful cast photo for The Beaux' Stratagem which opens this week Thursday 16th at UVM's Royal Tyler Theatre. Get your tickets now!

Peace out!

'Twas the First Week of Classes

'Twas the first week of classes,
And all through Burlington, Wills, and Spinner,
All the creatures were stirring,
Theatre kids, bros, and biddies too.

Outside was cold, but the theatre was warm,
And the classes were starting right on time.
There was essay writing, Sherlock Holmes, and T.A.ing,
Eurotheatre group bonding, Beowulf, and masks.

After class was all the fun, and dreams of weekends ahead...

There was 30 Rock and Brennan's food,

And Ashley hula-hooping for three hours while watching The Jersey Shore.

Of course we must not forget our British accents!

So... 'twas the first week of classes,

And we were all happy to be back.

Still waiting to get in groove,

But I know it'll happen soon.

So goodnight unto you all,

It's rehearsal time for me.

Peace out!

Looking Back, Moving Forward

The snow is slowly falling outside the large windows, the sky a milky grey. The flakes drift through a new air brought on by a new year. A fresh start. The air is chilly, but familiar like an old friend. It's reminiscent of winters long gone: of sledding down hills, skiing across open countryside in the colorful dusk, snowball fights, and warm afternoons with hot chocolate. It's also the snowfall of new adventures and memories yet to come. 2011 was quite a year, definitely busy, and it was full of amazing memories and good adventures.

It was a very stormy winter in haunted Converse and Megan as an R.A. at Quarry (aka The Q). There were lots of treks across frozen tundra and cold walks.

I received one of the most epic birthday cakes of my life shaped like the Doctor's TARDIS. Thank you Kendra!

Twelfth Night was an awesome and fun show to be a part of!

I was a part of the Catamount Singers and took an amazing improvisational movement class which changed a lot of my views of performance and opened myself up to new possibilities.

Megan and I started a brand new adventure as a couple.

UPlayers had a very successful semester this spring with an awesome bake sale , cabaret, and scavenger hunt!

I got a new job at UVM this summer and got to live and explore in Burlington during a beautiful summer. And I saw things like waterless toilets. Weird.

Megan and I took a trip to Cape Cod to see Ashley after her epic semester in Ireland.

The Doctor, his Roman Goddess, and the Gypsy had an epic and classy Halloween weekend.

I had ovaries.

HAIRSPRAY! happened after all that hard work and a debilitating bout  of bronchitis...

I also flexed a technical muscle in designing the lights for Toys this year. AND I was a teacher's assistant this semester, something that I loved doing and it confirmed my drive to be a theatre teacher. This summer I also started a "Ryan Performs in Places" segment on my blog which has been a lot of fun and a great outlet. I'm hoping to expand on it this year and possibly make a new blog for performances and writing. Hope to see you there!

I got my Dad a hoodie-footie for Christmas. Winning.

Iris had a good Christmas.

Finally, this Christmas and New Years was a lot of fun and full of Christmas cookies, family, and friends. The New Year concluded for Megan and I in Barre/Montpelier Vermont with one of our good friends Rosie. We went to the First Night dance party and then saw them release these beautiful paper, fire-lit lanterns into the night sky.

Happy New Year and a toast to new adventures.

Peace out!

Toys and Tea

My mind seems blank, frozen over like the ground outside covered in a light crust of icy snow. It's completely burnt out, shriveled up, and blank...wiped clean from an entire semester's worth of work. My brain has been stuffed to capacity, left to revel in its exhaustion and information overload. I look forward to this holiday season to make sense of everything my brain has encompassed over the past semester, and apply all of it to my life. I wait by the window, staring at the sky hoping to see at least a single snowflake. I wait for the ground to be full of fresh powder, not this icy shell that makes the Earth seem dark and dreary. Once my mind recovers, it will snow again, and the lights will reflect color and radiance in beams of droplets and icy webs. It's almost that time of year.

And it began a couple of weekends ago with the opening of The Toys Take Over Christmas which I worked on as one of the lighting designers this year. It was a little sad to be seeing the show in a different angle, all I could think about was last year and all the fun I had performing in the show, but then I really got into seeing it in a visual way and had just as much fun with Toys. It was a fabulous weekend after the extremely stressful week that came before it with all the work that went in to designing those gosh darn lights. Who knew it was so stressful to turn a light on and make it work? Not I sir, not I. I have a much greater appreciation of the art of lighting. My parents took my niece Iris to the show and she absolutely loved it. Granted, she's one year old but she was laughing during the whole show which is a very good thing.

That weekend also came with the Hairspray reunion production party which was held at this club overlooking the lake. It was a pretty gorgeous venue, and it was amazing to see the whole gang again. I still can't believe almost four months out of this semester was spent on working on Hairspray. It was an amazing, rewarding, and yet tiring experience that was so worth it. I've been telling everyone that when I look back on this semester all I can see is bronchitis (Why did that have to happen on top of everything else??) and cans of hairspray. I loved working with those people, and I'm proud of all of the work I've put in during the course of this semester.

It was a weekend full of surprises and candycanes. I started the weekend with a packet of green tea in my pocket, thinking I'd use it at some point during the day, but I ended up being so busy that the packet of green tea stayed in my pocket all weekend. I found it late Sunday night when I emptied my pockets and pulled out this wrinkled green tea packet, saturated and dirty.

Now as the semester draws to an end, I feel like I am that tea bag, saturated with knowledge and experience and dirty from hours of labor. It's time for a break. It's time for a very merry Christmas.

We exchanged presents last night at the Casa de Meg Ashley Ryan last night:

Oh! And check out this amazing book I've discovered! It's called The Terrible Underpants. It's a pretty special book about a girl who has some nasty underpants that she doesn't want to wear because all the kids laugh at her when she hangs upside down on the monkey bars and they can see her underpants. Also she has a pet wombat. Duh...

Pick this up at your local library. I don't know why this isn't on Oprah's book club list yet...

Hope you have a very happy start to your holiday season!

Peace out!

Occupy My Life

As we walked up the sidewalk, Megan and I hoped and prayed that the Marche (one of the very few late night dining options at UVM) would be open so there might be a chance at snagging some Ben and Jerry's for the night. Just as we came close, I could see through the windows that the lights in the Marche seemed pretty dark, and one of the door cages was down. The placed was closed. It had to be closed. But maybe there was a chance it was open. It was probably closed. But it has to be open. Ben and Jerry's depends on it! I ran up to the door in the harried hope that maybe...just maybe a miracle would happen and the door would magically be open just so I could get my hands on some creamy, sweet, and delicious Ben and Jerry's ice cream to relieve my stress. But when I pulled on the handle, the door wouldn't budge. I wept. I literally started crying as we walked back to the car, and then I thought to myself:

I'm crying right now because the Marche was closed so I couldn't get Ben and Jerry's. What is wrong with me?

Then I looked at my life, and looked at my choices, and realized that there was a lot wrong with me. Things have been pretty hectic in my camp with school and as one of the lighting designers with UVM's The Toys Take Over Christmas. It's been crazy, and there's been quite a lot of crying the past three days. The good news is the show is this weekend, so all the work we've been putting in will come to a head. Maybe soon I'll get a chance to finally occupy my life instead of being a bystander to all of the stress going on around me.


More good news: I got Ben and Jerry's tonight and the smell of frosty Christmas is in the air. Happy December!

My Christmas tradition: this song on repeat. 'Tis the season!


Peace out!

Cough Cough Dead

There's a certain feeling that passes through and invades your body when you are about to get sick. It begins with a sort of cloudiness that fogs and darkens your vision like a thick storm unleashing a torrent of rain and lightning upon your brain. You can't focus, you can't think, and it seems like you could never get enough sleep. Along with this fogginess follows a nagging ache that creeps into every joint of your body and pries into your bones, making you shaky and weak, like every footfall is a great earthquake shaking your system. The pain lingers into your head as your sinuses slowly fill with mucous and snot, pressing against your brain and your face making each nerve under each tooth sting and every hair on your head to burn in agony. Beads of sweat pool on your blood-drained skin and soak into your clothes as your internal climate rises like a slow cooker for your internal organs.

All of these are hardcore warning signs of a cold, or a general sickness. Last week, I didn't feel ANY of these, but now this week I am stuck with this horrible cough, fevers, chills, antibiotics, and an annoying trip to the hospital where I'm asked question like:

"Are things okay at home?"

"Do you do drugs?"

...and, my favorite:

"Have you been around anyone with bedbugs recently?"

"YES! I'M LOUSY WITH BEDBUGS!! GIVE ME A BED!!!"

Someone tell me I'll get better soon...

Why is Ashley not looking at the camera? No one knows.

Sense Memory

I love, love, LOVE the fall weather hitting Vermont right now. It's like a cold and clear breath of life that takes your heart in its grip and transports you to worlds of memories long forgotten yet still reminisced about. Upon each stinging breeze rides an image of crinkling leaves, the smell of apple cores and pumpkin spice, or the scratchy feel of a wool scarf on the skin. The chill which takes root in the feet and travels up each individual vertebrae to each follicle of hair holds a physical bond to day trips through an enchanted forest and afternoons spent on train tracks. The taste of dust and the feel of grit between teeth is a flash back to dirt roads and the hidden groves to which they lead.

Each memory dances with the senses in a waltz that began at birth. Each physical presence individually linked to an emotion draws me back yet pulls me forward at the same time. While I muse over the events and the feelings of the past, I am still pushed forward by a thirst for more. I long for more emotion, more feeling, more of the "breath life," for the essence that makes me utterly human. We long for the memories in life because that is what draws us forward, the longing and desire for future memories. We beg for new smells, feelings, and images that will give us retrospect to the events of our past and bring our lives in a circle.

Stepping from the front door, the fall's evening zephyr energizes my lungs and my body, propelling me forward into the sunset's lighted shadow. The leaves hanging stiffly from the trees' branches sway and crumple as they draw near to each other in anticipation of what is to come. Drawing my scarf closer to my throat, I walk along the broad sidewalk with heavy footfalls. The clouds above seem to sway lightly, taking in the moment below. I clutch my books to my chest and keep walking, observed and observing...

Hurricane Irene

Life has been like a whirlwind since beginning the new school year, the days blowing by like clouds long past the horizon. It has been a major adjustment to switch from the comfort and blissful emptiness of summer UVM campus to the bustling, bro and biddie-filled campus in my Wills nest with Joe, one of the most peaceful locations on campus (when the door is closed). I've seemed to transcend a summer of leisure, occasional work, and sun to another world of constant work, schedules that have me running constantly, and colder weather. There is something deeply rewarding for me to be constantly busy, however. It is that amazing reminder that tells me that I'm doing something with my life, and that I'm definitely not letting myself go to waste. As I get more and more busy, and my planner gets so full it defies the boundaries of the page, and colder air permeates Burlington, I look forward to the promise of fall: of holidays, foliage, the smell of pumpkin spice, fresh apples, good and hearty food, and warmer clothes that allows every being to bundle up and get cozy with the ones they love.

A couple of Saturdays ago, my niece Iris turned one!

There was a full-on double rainbow glowing in the sky during one of our Hairspray rehearsals. It was honestly one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen in nature.

The start of school was delayed one day at UVM because of the wrath of Hurricane Irene. Megan, Ashley, and I holed ourselves up in the Spinner Place apartment while the storm raged outside. At first, the "storm" was quite anticlimactic. There was a piddle of rain, and not even the slightest rumble of thunder. Slowly, however, the clouds turned the sky completely black and the rain picked up. The Winooski river began to rise and raged its fierce power, boasting with the overflow of water. Meanwhile, the rest of Vermont was being swept away, the power of water rearing itself upon the land.

'Dis bitch.

As the storm battled against the earth outside, news reports rolled in about the devastation happening throughout Vermont. There were videos of bridges being swept away and pictures of towns in Southern Vermont being cut off from the rest of the state because of the flood waters. In the morning, the sun timidly  rose to illuminate the aftermath. Burlington was beautiful, the rainwater glistening in the high sunshine, and the city was not highly devastated.

The Waterfront was beautiful.

In a way, the beginning of the school year has been just like Hurricane Irene. Everything has been so crazy and disorganized to start with, but hopefully now I've started to get a better control. It's another wild start to another insane school year.

Oh, and....

Peace out!

Dear Boys

Please flush the toilet after you use it. I don't care if you're drunk, I don't care if you think you're wasting water, flush your disgusting bodily functions away, especially your puke which does not belong on the floor. Also, please work on your aim. I know some of you may be aspiring Jackson Pollocks out there, but the Wills first floor bathroom is not the place to practice. Please don't leave your moldy soap in the showers for it does not make me feel clean. Please don't leave your stereo blasting in the bathroom when I have to pee in the middle of the night. And for God's sake, please WASH YOUR HANDS AFTER YOU PEE. When you pee, you hopefully have to touch your penis (see above plea about aiming), and your penis is covered in sweat, bacteria, and urine spray. Said bacteria then covers your hands which then infect anything you touch. WASH YOUR FILTHY HANDS YOU DISGUSTING FRESHMEN BOYS.

If you obey these simple life rules, we can get along and have a nice, peaceful semester at Wills. Don't make this hard on yourself.

Love,
Ryan and Joe. Wills 108.

My Everything Hurts

...and within a period of two days, I was packed up and moved out of my wonderful single in UHeights to the tiny double in Wills, but it's not all that bad. Somehow I found a way to take the lofted bed and fit Megan's loveseat under it. It created quite the batcave effect, which has been a pretty awesome addition to the room so far. I'm just waiting this week out now until Joe arrives on Sunday and school starts.

I'm so completely ready for school to start. Everything is in order, schedules have been made, books have been bought (In 14 different orders on Amazon as well as one from UVM.), and supplies have been organized. Megan and I just talked about how exciting it's going to be to pack up our backpacks Sunday night before  the first day of school. I could not be more pumped and ready to go. I'm also super excited about being a TA and doing Hairspray rehearsals.

These all came today.

I actually had quite the stressful day right before getting completely moved out and going home for the weekend. It began when I went to the UVM Residential Life office, like I was told to do, and waited for ten minutes at the front desk until someone came out into the lobby to ask me if anyone had been helping me. Since no one was, the woman went back in and got me the key to my room. Once I was packed up, I moved a bunch (basically everything I owned) to Wills. When I went to lock the door, however, the key wouldn't turn in the lock. After swearing profusely, I ran to the front desk of my new dorm where the office manager was just about to take off for the day. She got me the right key all the while wondering why ResLife gave me the wrong one and where they got it. Needless to say that key worked.

Then, when I tried to turn my computer (Bertha) on to see if there was wireless in my new dorm, the screen fizzled out and went dark. I screamed and raced to the Computer Depot in the Davis Center with my baby clutched in my arms. There they hooked her up to another computer and determined that the problem was probably physical, so I had to send it in to the company. After talking with a thickly accented Indian customer service representative for an hour, we determined that there was definitely something wrong but my warranty had run out. It was cheaper to buy another computer.

Moment of silence for Bertha...........


Now enter Marcus, my new computer, who is very sleek and runs with Windows 7. I'm hoping Marcus will serve me well. This is my first blog post with him, and it's working quite well. Thank you, Costco! (Yes, we got my new computer at Costco.)


This weekend I also got the chance to go see Chase's directorial genius in Hairspray at the Haskell Opera House. I really missed that place from last summer, and I especially missed Lissy (who was amazing in the show), Chase (who needs a Broadway stage, stat), and Kat (who continues to astound me with her stage managing abilities). It was great to see everyone and take in an awesome show.

It was weird to watch the show and then come back to Burlington to start rehearsing it. But rehearse we did. Matt and I have been carpooling to rehearsals and totally rocking them. Hope you can all make it to the show! There will be links up soon over in the right sidebar. ------------------->


In the end: my back, my neck, my arms, my abs, and my legs are killing me. The dances are hard and I was totally drenched in sweat on Sunday but it's totally worth it. I missed working this hard for theatre so much. I felt so broken from lack of theatre (yet again) after having it the whole time last summer, and having this opportunity to perform on the big stage at the Flynn is absolutely amazing. For people like me, and Matt, and Chase, and Lissy, and Kat, anything is worth it for theatre.


And sweat is worth it.


Here are some more pictures from Megan and my drive yesterday to the Champlain Islands. It was a lot of fun and we found some Vermont nut free chocolates!

Another highlight from this weekend:





Peace out!